Funny Jokes

I Don't Want To Go To School!

Mom goes to son's room to wake him up. "Okay, son, time to wake up! Time for school!"


Son, in a surly mood says, "I don't want to go to school!"


Mother insists, "You must, son, now come on!"


Son replies, "I don't want to go! The kids all make fun of me. They hit me. They throw things at me! I don't want to go!"


Mother says, gently, "Son, you know you have to go to school." "


Why do I have to go to school?" Mother replies, "Because you're the PRINCIPAL!"

Four Advantages Of Breast Milk

The student - not necessarily a well-prepared student - sat in his life science classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: "Give four advantages of breast milk." What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best:

1. No need to boil.
2. Cats can't steal it.
3. Available whenever necessary.

Um. So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a four-part answer. Again, what to write? Once more he sighed. He frowned. He scowled. Then sighed again. But suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly he scribbled his definitive answer:


   4. Available in attractive containers.

English Exam

It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the local university. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 700 students in the class!


The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. 1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.


"You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet.


"Yes I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing. 1/2 hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.


"No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late." The student looked incredulous and angry.


"Do you know WHO I am?"


"No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.


"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" the student asked again.


"No, and I don't care." replied the professor with an air of superiority.


"Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room

Do You Know How To Work This Thing?

A young executive is working late one evening. As he comes out of his office about 8 PM he sees the Big Boss standing by the shredder in the hallway, a piece of paper in his hand. "Do you know how to work this thing?" the older man asks. "My secretary's gone home and I don't know how to run it." "Yes, sir," says the young executive, who turns on the machine, takes the paper from the other man, and feeds it in. "Now," says his boss, "I just need the one copy